Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
