I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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