I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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