hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to calm my uterus...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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