I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
