awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
