My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
