just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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