you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
