Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
