apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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