He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
