I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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