Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize