I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
