you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
