i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
