When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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