i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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