You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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