that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
