What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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