That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
