Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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