chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
