I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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