If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
