Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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