she looked like the bat from fern gully.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
