May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
