Swine flu. Run for my life!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
