Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
