I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
