He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
