I must be too annoying 4 u.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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