i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bring me that man meat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
