i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
