RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
