oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
