My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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