Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
