Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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