Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
