I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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