I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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