Don't you send me to vm
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
