You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
