4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
