I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
