you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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